Mike's Superhero TV Show Generic Episode Guide

1999-12-20

In their intended comic-book medium, superheroes are great. They have wonderful, eye-popping adventures that boggle the mind. There are supporting superheroes, powerful super-villains, alien races, and epic tales on a scale impossible in any other medium (or if not impossible, then prohibitively expensive).

Transferred to live action, our treasured super-pals are generally transformed from muscle-bound gods into actors wearing gaudy, ill-fitting costumes.

In the movies, superheroes fare rather well, but on the television screen they're humbled by low budgets, ropey special effects, so-so acting and, worst of all, well-meaning but uninformed writers.

For some unknown reason, the writers of the TV show are rarely the same people who wrote the original comics. They're usually ordinary freelance writers who invariably come up with the following storylines:

(A note from me, eleven years later: I'm pleased to report that the state of superhero TV shows has changed for the better, but for anyone interested in looking up old shows like The Flash or Lois & Clark, this episode guide still applies... That said, they were still great shows!)

(A further note from me, a few minutes after the last note: Amazingly, I never thought to include the "Evil Genius Can Invade People's Dreams" episode...)

The "Invisible Man" Episode
The Plot:	A series of baffling crimes leads our hero to discover that an evil (or misguided) genius has somehow found the secret of invisibility. This will be due to an advanced camouflage suit that he was developing for the military (before they cut his budget) or an accident involving chemicals of some sort.
Key Scenes:	Money bags mysteriously floating out of a bank. A car apparently driving itself.
Likely Dialogue:	Villain (if he's a misguided genius): "I only wanted people to notice me."    or Voice of villain (if he's an evil genius): "Psst! Over here!" Security guard: "Huh? Who's there?" FX: Thud! Voice of villain: "Bwahahahaaa!"
The "Evil Clone" Episode
The Plot:	The episode opens with what appears to be our hero performing criminal acts. After some confusion - notably a scene in which our hero (in civilian mode) confronts the clone - the clone dies (because the cloning process is unstable), but not before renouncing its evil ways.
Key Scenes:	Over-the-shoulder shots of our hero talking to his body double. Split-screen shots where the characters appear to be looking at each other's ears or eyebrows. A scene where someone who knows our hero is astonished to see him ripping off an armoured car, or not caring when a crook gets away.
Likely Dialogue:	Hero: "But... You're me!" Evil clone (as he dies in hero's arms): "You were right... Power should... uh... not be used to... control... Urgh." Optional: As hero carries clone's body to funeral pyre, refusing help: "He ain't heavy. He's my brother."
The "Accidental Transference of Powers" Episode
The Plot:	After a freak accident, the hero's powers are transferred to another person, usually the one person who knows his secret identity. The hero must train his replacement, while maintaining the illusion that he hasn't actually lost his powers after all.
Key Scenes:	The replacement not knowing his or her own strength (much lifting of cars, knocking down doors, etc.)
Likely Dialogue:	Hero: "I'll never get there in time. You'll have to go." Replacement: "But I'm not ready!" Hero: "We don't have any choice."
The "Mind Control" Episode
The Plot:	A bad guy discovers how to control the minds of ordinary people, using hypnotism, drugs, or modified television signals. He gets them to commit crimes that they cannot recall afterwards.
Key Scenes:	A little old lady holding up a bank. The bad guy attempting to use his mind-control powers on our hero (it won't work, though, due to some technobabble-filled reason).
Likely Dialogue:	Innocent victim: "How did I get here? What am I doing with this gun?"
The "Secret Identity Made Public" Episode
The Plot:	A snooping investigative reporter stumbles on our hero changing from his civilian identity into his hero garb (or vice versa) and exposes him. However, our hero manages to convince everyone that he's not the hero after all, by clever use of his powers, a hologram, a clone (q.v.), or his duplicate from the alternative universe (q.v.).
Key Scenes:	Discovery of hero's spare outfits behind a hidden panel in the back of his closet. An amusing scene just before the closing credits in which our hero - in his civilian guise - hints that maybe one of the supporting characters is really the hero.
Likely Dialogue:	Supporting character: "You know, I never noticed the resemblance before..." or Supporting character: "Hey, you don't think that... Nah, that's dumb!"
The "Weather Control" Episode
The Plot:	An evil genius finds a way to use weather satellites to change the weather. He holds the world's governments to ransom, but is foiled by our hero and has his own weather machine turned on him. This will most likely be an expensive episode, and will therefore be the series pilot. The episode ends with the evil genius either escaping or being put in jail, but not before he vows revenge.
Key Scenes:	Grainy stock footage of hurricanes and such. Timid hench-scientists working on an elaborate laser-type device that contains many flashing lights and circular neon tubing.
Likely Dialogue:	Evil genius: "They won't co-operate? Then let's see how co-operative they'll be after this!"
The "Alternative Universe" Episode
The Plot:	Following an accident involving a mysterious weapon or a meteor, our hero finds himself in an alternative universe, most likely one in which the Nazis won World War Two. In this universe, our hero's counterpart has no powers, and thus the world has no protector. In the end, our hero manages to return to his own universe, but not before discovering a way to empower his counterpart (note: if the show is a success and receives a second series, there will be a sequel to this episode).
Key Scenes:	Supporting characters hamming it up as evil big shots.
Likely Dialogue:	Hero: "Where I come from, it's not like this. People live in peace." Confused alternative-universe sidekick: "What do you mean? It's always been this way." Hero: "Uh... Yeah. I know. I haven't been feeling myself lately."
The "Back to the Future" Episode
The Plot:	Our hero accidentally travels into the past and meets his parents as a young couple. His arrival prevents them from getting together. He must sort this out, while at the same time he must find a way back without altering the past.
Key Scenes:	The actors who play the hero's parents pretending to be thirty years younger. A hint at the end of the show that not everything has been returned to normal.
Likely Dialogue:	Hero: "Thanks, Dad. I mean, Mister."
The "Back to the Future Part II" Episode
The Plot:	Our hero gets accidentally thrown into the near future, where he sees what a terrible place the world has become because he didn't catch a particular criminal or prevent a particular event in his own time. He teams up with the resistance, who are led by an older version of the hero's young sidekick.
Key Scenes:	Armoured cops / henchmen roaming the streets carrying shotguns and wearing helmets with dark visors. Hungry people on cold, dark, wet streets huddled around one of those "fire in an old oil drum" things.
Likely Dialogue:	Hero: "My God! How could it have come to this?" Supporting character now ten years older: "After you disappeared ten years ago, everything started to go wrong."
The "Lost / Wonky Powers" Episode
The Plot:	Exposed to a mysterious substance, our hero loses his powers (or they go out of control) and agonises when he is unable to prevent a serious accident. He eventually finds a way to restore his powers, but not without learning something about himself (generally humility or responsibility) along the way.
Key Scenes:	Comical or tragic attempts to regain powers.
Likely Dialogue:	Hero: "All those people... They died because I wasn't there to save them!" Hero's father: "You can't blame yourself, son."
The "Cyberspace" Episode
The Plot:	A young computer genius traps our hero's psyche in a virtual world, where his powers are no match for the computer's creations. The episode ends with the evil computer genius trapped in his own virtual world.
Key Scenes:	Lots of "stargate from 2001"-style whirly lighted tunnel effects. Our hero strapped into a chair and wearing a silly cyber-space helmet. The bad guy wearing a similar helmet and "cyber-gloves", pretending that he's manipulating objects in cyberspace. Someone working on a computer that has a monitor so bright it projects its image onto the user's face.
Likely Dialogue:	Evil computer genius: "In my world, your powers are useless!"
The "Old Flame" Episode
The Plot:	Our hero's ex-girlfriend turns up. She's most likely working for the DA or is a hot-shot lawyer investigating a crime syndicate. Her life is in danger, and our hero saves her, causing some friction between our hero and his current girlfriend.
Key Scenes:	Our hero's girlfriend consumed with jealousy. Much bitchy sparring between the womenfolk, who later both get trapped by the syndicate and have to work together to escape.
Likely Dialogue:	Girlfriend: "Oh... So she's an 'old friend', eh?"
The "Amnesia" Episode
The Plot:	An accident causes our hero to lose his memory, which results in him being exploited for his powers by this episode's bad guy. His memory is restored just seconds before he does something really evil.
Key Scenes:	Much confused staggering around and head-holding. The bad guy pretending to be benevolent.
Likely Dialogue:	Hero: "Uh... What happened? Why am I wearing this crazy costume?"
The "Framed as a Crook" Episode
The Plot:	Our hero's arch-enemy sets up a series of events that are designed to make our hero look like a bad guy. For most of the episode no-one will trust him, and everything he does only ends up making things worse, but eventually he manages to convince everyone that it was a setup.
Key Scenes:	A newspaper or TV report that shows our hero in a very bad light. Our hero's friends divided on the subject of his innocence.
Likely Dialogue:	"I didn't do any of those things! You have to believe me!" Recurring comic-relief journalist who's always maintained that the hero is really a bad guy: "I was right all along! I could win the Pulitzer prize for this!"
The "Robots / Cybernetic Implants / Exoskeleton" Episode
The Plot:	An evil genius creates an army of robots (or people with cybernetic implants, or exoskeletons) and causes havoc, such as robbing banks and stealing an impossibly large diamond from a museum (for use in an advanced laser capable of wiping out a whole city).
Key Scenes:	The look of terror on the evil genius's face as it all goes horribly wrong and his creations turn on him.
Likely Dialogue:	Villain: "Destroy him, my robots!"
The "Evil Magician" Episode
The Plot:	A stage magician, who only a few months ago was a washed-up has-been, stumbles across something that allows him to perform real magic. He uses it to get revenge on everyone who treated him badly when he was down.
Key Scenes:	A stage trick that appears to defy all logic. Our hero baffled when he can't understand how the trick was done.
Likely Dialogue:	Villain: "Bwahahahaaaa! Die!"
The "Evil Computer" Episode
The Plot:	An artificially intelligent computer tries to take over the world. Luckily, our hero confuses it enough that it either has a breakdown or blows up. Episode ends with the suggestion that perhaps the evil computer hasn't been completely destroyed after all...
Key Scenes:	A red light that flashes on and off in time with the computer's speech. Computers mysteriously turning themselves on and uploading data to the evil computer. Ultra-fast realistic graphics consoles that still display text one letter at a time, accompanied by a beeping noise.
Likely Dialogue:	Evil computer: "Does not compute." Hero: "There's one thing you forgot to take into account: the human factor!"